The Wig.

 Sometimes hair can be the way a woman feels about herself in that particular moment in time.
A lot of times people frown at women with extensions or wigs, why?
  Is it because their flaws say their imperfect? Why does it matter how long your hair is ?


I would be lying if I said I never wore a wig, or a extensions. I recently started to wear wigs, I don't know why, but I seen it as, I don't have to do my hair anymore, it can be already done and BOOM! ready to go. However, I wear half wigs ! but now I'm wearing lace FRONTS! ewl ! I hate em, I think people with no edges benefit from it more.

Am I blind or do they want me that way?

I remember the days when I did not care for Love the way love had proposed itself to me.
Dedicated it claimed, skeptical I became, and yet sparks fly at the end of my tears.
Then, love told me have no fear.
I don't fit into this life.. and whenever I try to create my own, I feel as if my heart has been deserted and I have been left alone.

Complex I seem to be in his eyes
Although, he begs to differ, I read into his lies.

Why is it that I can not see my own beauty when someone holds up a mirror image of their compliments?
Why is it someones sincerity frightens me?
Why does it seem like I am giving up on love when love has failed to comprehend me?

I switched lanes hoping I could ride smoothly being the confident me that I desire to be,
Then I realized lanes are parallel so there is no difference direction, just difference in position.

I guess I yern for real recognition.
I recognize I am alive.
See the flaws that I hide
Laugh with me not at me..
be the your best when you are with me...

Instead your head swells up trying to figure me out
Instead your love runs dry when I do not run on your time
Instead you point the finger low-key towards me and then take it back..

You say I don't know what I want yet, you want to be with me...How is it you want to be with someone who does not know what they want?

I guess we reflect one another, and we cant help but desire to be near ourselves.

Am I blind, I believe you were trying to slip out of my love for the many reasons you said you had no feelings about..

"It is in the past" yet I can see our future by looking back..how is that?

Do you want me to be blind, close my eyes and act like there is no pain inside?
Do you want me to be blind, like the way you look at those girls don't make you wonder inside?
Do you want me to be blind, like I had to ask you for respect by not looking away when you claim im the treasure you want to save ?

Am I the blame? Or are you ashamed?

Am I blind because I do not see the love you have for me... reacting under the pressure.. claim to move slow and respect my wishes yet you granting wishes of your own...If I sink then you pull the white flag and never return, am I wrong for letting you go every time I realize this love has no home.

Am I blind?

You said you care about me and flirt and things but then separate ya self from me as If you made the wrong decision by even mentioning it to me.

Do you want me to be blind, like I don't see you distancing yourself from me?
Do you want me to be blind like  I don't see your hate for me?

I tried to be the person they wanted, then I did it for me... I warned out by LOVE and Trust swinging me this way and that way just to tell me I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.

Actors ! ?? >>> THIS WAY !!

Finally, or should I say "PERCISELY" !?
   Classes are starting back soon, and no more sitting on my ass, I need to make something happen!

Finally, by the mercy and grace of God this film gets done before summer '13. IM CALLING ALL ACTORS TO BECOME A PART OF SOMETHING LEGENDARY. Forget the gimics, the propagabda, what about whats is real ! and what is the NOW ! If your willing to change something in this world, lets start off with what went wrong in the first place- what is sightful to us .

Join hands with me, on my journey to film resurrection.

The King and His Queen

The King once was a prince, and his lessons was never learned, BUT before he knew it he was something he imagined and never knew. His love was what he knew of himself. She. the Queen, was full of deceit and could not bare the mirrors of her reflection. The King never mind the mirrors because what he seen with his bare eye was truth that SOUL is a matter of knowing. She finally took her focus into the direction of self and reflected it on others. As Prince, he longed to be rebellious against his true title-instead he'd rather be stuck in survival for the riches that he was naturally embedded with. The Prince was only saved by the loss of his dignity and prideful success- naturally, by his Queen. The Night of the beginning to his end , he was surrounded as such a King he would become, but the fear was heavy on the tongue like thick air in a tunnel.
 As the celebration began to end, his princess shared such a thought that would flood his memory on earth. The Princess was just like her King, superior , knowledgeable, yet visionary & Ambitious. She knew by thought that his rights to be titled as such was a given, but those who are not blessed with such the title began to steal, attack, and divide their jealousy. Queen,  the angel of love, her passion for her beloved King was sort to steal every bullet, inhale every wound, and guard every pain that came forth on to her love. Queen, she was no different from her King.
   Later on, she has realized her strength, her ability, and her true love for the Prince. King stands now to his amplifier with such thought of prosperity, thinking of all the obstacles he has faced, but with his Queen, he'll never forget what true prosperity means until his loyalty has bonded with maturity. No longer Prince...



Written By: Rebel * Monique J.

"Sometimes , things in life arent handed to us, but truth is free because it is different- it is what we know other than what we obtain through thought and growth.
So, this is my short story about a King who , of course, once was a prince."

Where is the love?.

Where have I been > stuck in wounderland ?
My whole life, all I ever felt was out of place , out of the loop and into dog shit.
I love these things that everyone else loved but I cant help but pick my tears up from the ground , even when they hit into the concrete others swear they didnt hear a sound.
I really am living unheard?
 Could it be my confidence- If im too sure I draw people away, and if im not sure then people go on stand by but really stand away... no matter what I do in life no one will ever hear me.
My voice is either too strong or to low .
I feel unwanted here on earth, someone take me back to VENUS ! I don't belong here.

lost in translation.

The Voice Within PT. 1

" The idea of being unworthy of a compliment, is being unworthy of dignity. It is your body , your mind and your soul that carries such spirit and confidence that allure people to your gratitude. When you can be satisfied with what you are , you then allow the beauty within flare across energies, Do not look forward to possibilities, MAKE THEM HAPPEN AND PERHAPS YOU SHALL SUCCEED."

~douleur~

Sometimes it takes more than you know to pull strength out your worst memory. I guess I always expected my strength to be given to me or written down on a scrap piece of paper. It hurts more than it seems. I finally discovered life. Now I just have to understand the concept- if there is one- and search the right words to define it in ways everyone can understand.

Dear my angel,

 I felt nothing knowing that you have come down to bless me with a challenge, some people fail to recognize  its true influence. Oh you brought peace in my space and serenity in my heart. I felt nothing but your love trying to spread. I panicked  while looking into her eyes hoping she would understand and forgive me. I thought you were gonna change my life in ways i NEEDED ! But again I tried to cover my image to the world and hide the emotions I could never show. The tears that lye on my face are guilt and pain. I didn't know of anything else to save you from me. I wish I didn't have to depart us and reach into your heart without consenting your approval. I know you would have not hurt me but I can not say the same to you. I am full of sin and so i could not see you in pain or grieve or to hate me and your first love/your guidance. He and I are in love and in competition for lust. Forgive me my angel I wish to have not let you go for my selfish ways has departed us in ways to deceive our true love. Your in a place where there is a great spirit to bring you to the horizon. Your soul  will be granted because your innocence will retrieve in a better part of me. Understand me my love . For I can't hold on any longer to the lies he gives or the misleading of my heart. How could I love him one moment and question him the next. i WANT YOU TO KNOW I am full of love and I WANT To give it all away to you. No one will take us from each other. Each day I go on thinking about what you would have been like, how you would look, if you would look just like me if you would talk like me or him or if my mom would embrace your presence. I am full of life my love I just didn't know how to show love because I never got it in ways I wanted . So busy hoping someone would look my way to hold me close and take the pain away. I grew up not knowing who to trust because it was so hard believing the lies I knew would eventually fall into play.When bad things happened i KNEW IT ! I was never suprised when someone would hurt me. I became immune  to the disappointment and rejection. I just wanted someone to call my own someone to own and hold me. Tell me and be honest with me. I never wanted to have to loose I always wanted to have and to prosper. I never should have let you go.

He lost me . once , twice, three times a day. I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I was bipolar and didn't know how to show one emotion. He said he wanted me to be happy, I didn't believe because I don't know how to accept such honesty or such emotion. Everything I know of was artificial and exaggerated, usually temporarily. He would point me in the direction of the highlighted unusual moments I could never have again. You were the best highlight and I lament not giving your life a chance. I would never forgive myself as much as I will cry. I hope things will get better for us but I see nothing positive. When I try the devil shields the possibilities or at least he imitates the worse of things and CAUGHT UP  I am.  Fighting for love was never my forte if something wasn't already pure I didn't have intentions on saving it . He loves me so much , he says yet I aggressively feel differently while watching him dip his finger into my most possessive prize of jealousy. MY jealously is like no other, Its LIKE its embedded in me as a being yet I never come across it until someone tries to mess with it and then everything becomes obvious.You should know that jealousy will help you burry yourself. To self destruct is to prey on someone else's belongings. It is better to analyze than to interpret, you get more truth out of knowing than thinking. Question everything and everyone to the extent they do not know they are questioning you.

I must go . I must see you again. I must not forget you. I may never hold you at this point but I will feel you forever in memory.

Nothing Last Forever

Whether good or bad nothing last forever.

You can have the world but never know exactly what of it that your persuing to contaminate or release.
Not until it doesnt last.

Giving up.

I couldnt bare the thoughts of love, while slept beside lust. Being honest got me hurt when i discovered the lies under his eyes. He faced me with feelings & convey an illusion, now I confessed my wrong & sighned off on my self inflicted pain... now when truth arrive I know it by the rambling of the rain against my window pane..I feel better now that I seen tge truth cause I can see the demanding guilt across your face. I tried to forgive myself & when I did I Was set free...now im caged by yoyr decite as you tell me my insecurites are soon defeat, defeat the monster in me. When your guilt had faded you convinced me that I was your bear reflection...well I need a better cite where experiences is not mesmerized by vision, nor decision but moments that I can taste.

Im officially giving up on love. lust. truth. faith. Us.

When its undefined.

There are so many people trying to be better for others instead of themselves. Its usually the interpetation of others & the "suppose to's" that make people believe that being just is being titled or defined.

What about defining things the way we want to & no longer following others sights & interpetations..because later on in life your loss is the loss you followed.

Create a path that some would call impossible, unreal or fictional...the best one would be CRAZY ! ohhh && if they give your crazy a name, redefine yourself with no boundaries. Live to limits you can only extend & extened every limit.

LadyReb'l .

What its like to be Beautiful/Gorgeous?

Pretty , something we feel when most confident. Unfortunately, some people confidence are uncomfortable to be around when it degrades the things you are. Then, everything evolves around the things that are admired but not of the things that matter :) .

Sometimes it is better to not look too deep into the definition of others but self. Look at yourself and notice your true flaw...being a HUMAN BEING.

Do things outrageous & be proud of it . Because it made you happy, do things that makes you JOYFUL.

Far as feeling out of place in areas where everyone looks the same, remember your in the spotlight of being "Pretty".

Just Be Comfortable with you, change is always good, if your conscious agrees. :)

XoXo LadyReb'l.

Have I lost myself?

Thinking & hoping got me to wishing and pleading for a change.
I guess im not use to anyone driving the rage into something humble, I guess thats where I go wrong.

I wanted to say "I miss you" but how will I ever be able to share such emotion at a distinct time. Am I the heartbreaker or the broken heart?

I just wanted FUN & instead I got confusion, lies, games, & obstacles I could have dodged if I didnt corner myself.

I wanted to set myself free of any lies or any change I could not manage. I realized I work,love & change better alone.

Somethings are just a stepping stone to better days.

XOXO Lady :)
 

The Pros & Cons

You could never hold back the truth even if you drown it with alcohol.

The truth is, being a human being can have its ups & its downs. Most of the time the missing essentials can create this missing piece of ups in our lives.

Love lost, love found: its the matter of learning from the mistakes we make & the challenges we face.

Tip: Just as your creeping through success, you learn that its not that hard if you just Nike!  I mean ...DO IT!
Remember when walking was hard, now look your a pro.. Go YOU!

Having a hard time staying with one person, spend some more time alone or with friends doing things they do with outside friends.& analyze what you want to do & the things you dont want to do. Therefor you know whats the difference between value & internal.

Cant decide what is in life you want to persue? Well, maybe your just searching and not looking at all ..take a good look around you & admire life...now go live in the moment, but while your there build & take notes.

There is pros & cons in everything we do, but just live simple & build big with strength only your mind can detect.

Xoxo LadyFluer.

Understanding.

Just until you realize love you miss out on the things that make you most happy.
Haven't you realized how much work you put into while in a relationship?
arguing, sharing, talking, understanding, compromising. a lot isn't it? I mean for one person with two hands and feet..

  ...not only that, but were all built with different traits and mating with each other means having the patience to deal with someone that you made and bring all of those abilities to teach, grow and learn.

 What is your purpose of breaking someone into your life style and getting someone comfortable just to knock them down?

We're here to feed and build , but not to build nonsense but knowledge... maybe the french people misunderstood that one.

  What is it to please and admire, all complimentary but yet so misleading. I couldn't remember the last time someone was honest with me before I gave them an integration.

Sometimes things are what you make them, and the statement stands that simple.


<3 Lady Reb'l

The Rookie , the actor, the player and the Leader.

Thinking I could form a clique of people with the same interest wanting to build something so great I failed at forming a beautiful structure and built a  love triangle.

The rookie is awesome she down to try something new and she honest about everything she feels but she comes into the loop quiet late but she's updated on all the drama.

The actor started off as a cool guy, and focused until he gave into temptation and left his pride aside, or did he? he's awesome and understanding. He's all about FUN FUN FUN ! until catches unreal feelings... or could it have been the interference of the player?

The player is funny , witty and friendly... too friendly . So friendly he hits on every girl in the class and rottens a heart for another. 

Lesson Learned keep everyone just at a friend level.

The Leader is not good at leading cliques.

As Time Passed.

As time passed , I found myself in situations that would only be a exaggerated story line in a teen flick.
Damn, could this be what iVE BEEN raving about, what about the truth?

I discontinued my marriage with the love of my life for many reason, but one reason for certain...control.
 I lost control of my emotions and Ive been trying to dig deep within to foreshadow this ego of mine and tell her to live in a different time so I can live mine.

through time I managed to share my body and broken emotions with someone that was as broken as I was. I had my eyes on him from the day he held the door for me. Could it be I got carried away with a title "single" and forgot the love I had fought for. Was it worth loosing my sense of self? Was it me all along?

FUN  had become my new motto, simple yet complex. Going from one end to the other makes it hard to watch whats been in my right zone.

I failed at being committed once again making me question what it is that Im really trying to hold on to or what it is i am trying to let go. I guess we can't always have what we want which is why we go through lessons to defeat the problems in the future. I can't lie the new felt so great to be adventurous but I seen myself hurting so many people I couldn't bear with my ego cause she always left me to deal with the pain of others.
As time passed I realized I was given new days to change and progress.

Regretful

I can hold you at a distance and still feel your pain.
I cry into your arms and suddenly I realize my happiness was destined to be failure if you were to be gone away from the touch of my skin, the sound of my voice and the untouchable feeling of life i breathe into you.
 I have given you everything and nothing to prove that I did besides the pain in my eyes, the fear in my feet and the high sound waves through my follicle.

I scream for the freedom I once had, I beg for mercy of which I once held and I cry out for the love I always push away.
 I may not know what I want but I know what I dont want ..the creases in your head.. the lies on your lips, the tears on your cheek and thoughts of a jealous lion ..I run from love but I tripped over it when I thought it was more than what our bubble can fit.
  I regret you loving me because I regret hurting you .
I regret holding your hand cause when you would move in closer my hands would grab a brick and begin to build as you begin to believe the wall was around us it was really in-front of you and behind me.

I don't know what we are suppose to do or even be, but when its not you then everything else fades away into the darkness and I become something else.

I regret turning my head because you were an ache I could not medicate. I regret sharing your kisses as if It was a bullet in my lungs if it was love i missed it. I regret sharing a feeling unknown with someone unknown ..but i admit the new feeling is amazing but not as touching as your distance... I swear im living in the resistance.

I regret saying words I couldnt mean when doors were behind me and the streets defined me.
I regret playing my way into a game without a rating now im above a level I could never learn to stay in ..so I move up -1 and fall down -13 in miles away from what we will never see.

Hold the memories and never forget me, cause change made me this way but my future is shaped so curve like I fall inbetween the cracks of the regret system..

I just gotta get this poison out of my system.

-Lady.

Friends.

Why is it such a big deal that I have guy-friend, whats up with the jealousy trait ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LAY OFF !

The worst thing you can do to a girl is be on her back like your her dad. Don't get me wrong us girls like to know that your not passing them up , but when you start to suspect that every guy I make a friend is some type of dude that wants more...my next question is , do you trust me ?

So guys aren't the only one with jealousy issues , oh well your the topic of the day so deal with it !
 Maybe I don't want to be committed anymore or maybe I don't want to be settled down anymore. There are a lot of things I haven't gotten the chance to see and do , but with him SOMETIMES  I feel like I don't need to.

Isn't it creepy when he goes through your phone & starts to bring up conversations with your friends; I'm usually stuck on stupid like how did you know about that. Going through your BF/ GF phone is a sign of trust. If trust isn't there my advice is to move on.

Falling out Of Love

 Have you ever felt as if you had a fairy tale with someone but can't quite put your name on it , well I am in exactly that situation. Each and every day I realize that my love for him is fading && I can't quite tell him because I myself is so complex. It would hurt me to be dumped by him because , well its been so long. I guess time in a relationship is a trophy not the prize. What is the purpose or the prize in a relationship? Why can't we just have fun instead of being so serious? Am I even ready for a relationship ? What about all the things we shared with each-other?  What about our moments?




Space is very important in a relationship. If you see the person your with 24/7 then I guess you'll never feel the same. I suppose that's what happens when your young & experienced. Love dies young.

Meditation, Privacy &&. Space.

How often do you spend time alone away from the world ? Well, I spend time almost every other day trying to place my thoughts in order, alphabetical order that is. Insane much ? Yea well that's just me and I am not ashamed to say that I am not lonely when alone.

    I love to be in my room by myself , helps me think better. As long as I have pen , paper, music and a mirror to reflect I may come out like an angel.

<3. I love having my own room because privacy is very important to me as well. Being able to have "stuff" and allowing my room to be my painting board where I just splash my inner self in is more than a blessing. In a simpler form of expression, whatever I have in my room is a reflection of who and what I am about. For example, my magazines are my way of going through fashion, make-up and other peoples art- my Marilyn Monroe four framed picture on my wall shows my love for old movies. Then, I have my mickey mouse name tag over my closet( my middle name is creatively painted on a blank space which is surrounded by mickey and minnies love).

=) Space, *sigh* when in a relationship I require lots of space from the other person, too much of someone creeps me out and makes me very uncomfortable. With space I am able to have my time alone and if I don't have my time alone my thoughts and emotions will bundle up into one (THAT IS NOT GOOD).

Do you ever feel like you have a hard time expressing yourself.. well that's because you don't have time for meditiation, privacy or even space.