Sometimes it takes more than you know to pull strength out your worst memory. I guess I always expected my strength to be given to me or written down on a scrap piece of paper. It hurts more than it seems. I finally discovered life. Now I just have to understand the concept- if there is one- and search the right words to define it in ways everyone can understand.
Dear my angel,
I felt nothing knowing that you have come down to bless me with a challenge, some people fail to recognize its true influence. Oh you brought peace in my space and serenity in my heart. I felt nothing but your love trying to spread. I panicked while looking into her eyes hoping she would understand and forgive me. I thought you were gonna change my life in ways i NEEDED ! But again I tried to cover my image to the world and hide the emotions I could never show. The tears that lye on my face are guilt and pain. I didn't know of anything else to save you from me. I wish I didn't have to depart us and reach into your heart without consenting your approval. I know you would have not hurt me but I can not say the same to you. I am full of sin and so i could not see you in pain or grieve or to hate me and your first love/your guidance. He and I are in love and in competition for lust. Forgive me my angel I wish to have not let you go for my selfish ways has departed us in ways to deceive our true love. Your in a place where there is a great spirit to bring you to the horizon. Your soul will be granted because your innocence will retrieve in a better part of me. Understand me my love . For I can't hold on any longer to the lies he gives or the misleading of my heart. How could I love him one moment and question him the next. i WANT YOU TO KNOW I am full of love and I WANT To give it all away to you. No one will take us from each other. Each day I go on thinking about what you would have been like, how you would look, if you would look just like me if you would talk like me or him or if my mom would embrace your presence. I am full of life my love I just didn't know how to show love because I never got it in ways I wanted . So busy hoping someone would look my way to hold me close and take the pain away. I grew up not knowing who to trust because it was so hard believing the lies I knew would eventually fall into play.When bad things happened i KNEW IT ! I was never suprised when someone would hurt me. I became immune to the disappointment and rejection. I just wanted someone to call my own someone to own and hold me. Tell me and be honest with me. I never wanted to have to loose I always wanted to have and to prosper. I never should have let you go.
He lost me . once , twice, three times a day. I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I was bipolar and didn't know how to show one emotion. He said he wanted me to be happy, I didn't believe because I don't know how to accept such honesty or such emotion. Everything I know of was artificial and exaggerated, usually temporarily. He would point me in the direction of the highlighted unusual moments I could never have again. You were the best highlight and I lament not giving your life a chance. I would never forgive myself as much as I will cry. I hope things will get better for us but I see nothing positive. When I try the devil shields the possibilities or at least he imitates the worse of things and CAUGHT UP I am. Fighting for love was never my forte if something wasn't already pure I didn't have intentions on saving it . He loves me so much , he says yet I aggressively feel differently while watching him dip his finger into my most possessive prize of jealousy. MY jealously is like no other, Its LIKE its embedded in me as a being yet I never come across it until someone tries to mess with it and then everything becomes obvious.You should know that jealousy will help you burry yourself. To self destruct is to prey on someone else's belongings. It is better to analyze than to interpret, you get more truth out of knowing than thinking. Question everything and everyone to the extent they do not know they are questioning you.
I must go . I must see you again. I must not forget you. I may never hold you at this point but I will feel you forever in memory.
Dear my angel,
I felt nothing knowing that you have come down to bless me with a challenge, some people fail to recognize its true influence. Oh you brought peace in my space and serenity in my heart. I felt nothing but your love trying to spread. I panicked while looking into her eyes hoping she would understand and forgive me. I thought you were gonna change my life in ways i NEEDED ! But again I tried to cover my image to the world and hide the emotions I could never show. The tears that lye on my face are guilt and pain. I didn't know of anything else to save you from me. I wish I didn't have to depart us and reach into your heart without consenting your approval. I know you would have not hurt me but I can not say the same to you. I am full of sin and so i could not see you in pain or grieve or to hate me and your first love/your guidance. He and I are in love and in competition for lust. Forgive me my angel I wish to have not let you go for my selfish ways has departed us in ways to deceive our true love. Your in a place where there is a great spirit to bring you to the horizon. Your soul will be granted because your innocence will retrieve in a better part of me. Understand me my love . For I can't hold on any longer to the lies he gives or the misleading of my heart. How could I love him one moment and question him the next. i WANT YOU TO KNOW I am full of love and I WANT To give it all away to you. No one will take us from each other. Each day I go on thinking about what you would have been like, how you would look, if you would look just like me if you would talk like me or him or if my mom would embrace your presence. I am full of life my love I just didn't know how to show love because I never got it in ways I wanted . So busy hoping someone would look my way to hold me close and take the pain away. I grew up not knowing who to trust because it was so hard believing the lies I knew would eventually fall into play.When bad things happened i KNEW IT ! I was never suprised when someone would hurt me. I became immune to the disappointment and rejection. I just wanted someone to call my own someone to own and hold me. Tell me and be honest with me. I never wanted to have to loose I always wanted to have and to prosper. I never should have let you go.
He lost me . once , twice, three times a day. I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I was bipolar and didn't know how to show one emotion. He said he wanted me to be happy, I didn't believe because I don't know how to accept such honesty or such emotion. Everything I know of was artificial and exaggerated, usually temporarily. He would point me in the direction of the highlighted unusual moments I could never have again. You were the best highlight and I lament not giving your life a chance. I would never forgive myself as much as I will cry. I hope things will get better for us but I see nothing positive. When I try the devil shields the possibilities or at least he imitates the worse of things and CAUGHT UP I am. Fighting for love was never my forte if something wasn't already pure I didn't have intentions on saving it . He loves me so much , he says yet I aggressively feel differently while watching him dip his finger into my most possessive prize of jealousy. MY jealously is like no other, Its LIKE its embedded in me as a being yet I never come across it until someone tries to mess with it and then everything becomes obvious.You should know that jealousy will help you burry yourself. To self destruct is to prey on someone else's belongings. It is better to analyze than to interpret, you get more truth out of knowing than thinking. Question everything and everyone to the extent they do not know they are questioning you.
I must go . I must see you again. I must not forget you. I may never hold you at this point but I will feel you forever in memory.
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